Wednesday, December 31, 2008

To laugh again...

December 31, 2008

Rather than read from Shattered Dreams this evening, God led me to continue in my Stepping Up Bible study... It reaffirmed for me what I am learning through Shattered Dreams. Beth Moore says "God's delivering us from every ounce of trial will never develop the relationship that occurs when God shows Himself faithful right in the midst of difficulty, delivering us through it. That's where we come to know Him, to love Him, to appreciate Him. When our lives are immersed in Him, every ending, everything we believe to be the death of is instead a hand-engraved invitation to a new beginning." Here's to new beginnings... This shattered dream is developing a much deeper and closer relationship with Him. I know Him, love Him, and appreciate Him like never before. And as hard as this journey is I am thankful for it...

After the last couple of rough days, it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I sat and wept with thanks and not sorrow. Thankful for a word from Him and comfort just when I needed it. And a pretty awesome way to end the year...

He says it so much better than me, so here are just a few of the scriptures that spoke to me...

Psalm 125: 1 & 2
Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion,
which cannot be shaken but endures forever.
As the mountains surround Jerusalem,
so the LORD surrounds his people
both now and forevermore.

Picture that with me... surrounded by Him, hemmed in by Him, His presence looming over you from every direction. Nothing can close in on you without closing in on Him first. Hallelujah!!!

Psalm 34: 17-19
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all

Acts 14:22
"We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God"

Psalm 116:1-7
I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.
The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the LORD :
"O LORD, save me!"
The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.
The LORD protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.
Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.

It's been a hard year but He has been good...

Isaiah 43: 16, 18-19
This is what the LORD says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

Psalm 30: 8-12
To you, O LORD, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:
"What gain is there in my destruction, in my going down into the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me;
O LORD, be my help."
You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.

Psalm 126
When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion,
we were like men who dreamed.
Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
"The LORD has done great things for them."
The LORD has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.
Restore our fortunes, O LORD,
like streams in the Negev.
Those who sow in tears
will reap with songs of joy.
He who goes out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with him.

We will laugh again...

Goodbye 2008 and hello 2009, I know there are still rough days weeks and even months ahead but I know He is with me...

Add Comment

victoria says...
"As I was getting ready to head out tonight I was thinking of you & Chris. Funny, the only email tonight once home was from the people I thought about all night. With all that you have endured this year, I pray Lord for you both to have an "easier" year. We are all here with you. Take care" (12/31/08)

Monday, December 29, 2008

We were able to laugh...

We took Andrew to the airport late this afternoon... As we were waiting in line to check in, we were able to laugh. It is so hard to say goodbye yet were able to laugh even if only for a moment.

There was a couple standing in line in front of us with a toddler... he like any little boy wanted to explore. His ever so patient mommy kept telling him he had to stay close to her. If not, he had to go in the stroller. One too many times he strayed... the first time she attempted to put him in the stroller was hilarious, arms and legs flailing everywhere. Chris and I couldn't help but chuckle. Andrew was a houdini when it came to the stroller or a car seat. And don't even think about trying to put him in either if he didn't want to go. You could push him in the stroller and was able to put the brakes on with his feet and almost topple the stroller. Well, Grandpa rescued him the first time... then it happened again. It was funnier the second time, arms flailing, legs kicking and screaming, "mommy stay, mommy stay." Daddy decided to show her up this time, he could get him the stroller... he did and when he pushed it, the screaming little boy would put the brakes on with his short little legs... All Chris and I would do was laugh, but I do remember a day when it was not so funny...

Then we had to say goodbye and the tears came...

Add Comment

kari says...
"It is fun to laugh now and then, huh? I'm glad you got to spend time with Andrew..." (12/29/08)

LJ says...
"We love our Andrew!!! Glad he could see a glimpse of the past!" (12/30/08)

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

A Christmas memory...

December 24

a Christmas memory...

I remember the year that both kids woke up us at a little after 2 am, YES, 2AM!!! Christmas came early that year, literally!!!

Last year, Rachel's favorite present was the PINK camera that "Santa" brought her... some of my favorite pictures of her lately are her "self portraits." Enjoy them...

Add Comment

LJ says...
"We always have called Rachel and Andrew, "ours", just like we have always called our kids. I love seeing these pictures of "Our Rachel"!
We love you all!!" (12/30/08)

Georgia Fulenwider says...
"it was even funnier thinking out loud that he might have twin little boys that were as rowdy and rambunctious as he was or little girls, what a hoot that would be... " (12/30/08)

Emiley says...
"What great pictures! She's gorgeous!! I really love the picture of her eye, I've always wanted to have eyes that color!" (1/20/09)

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Shattered Pot...Treasure in Jars of Clay

December 23, 2008

OK so, this is backwards... I went to bed at 8 pm, I was really tired. I had an exhausting day, grief is exhausting...

It is now 11:30 and He woke me up... We haven't had any meetings like this lately and certainly not this early in the evening. I have missed these sweet times even if they were at 3 am. After I broke the treasured clay pot on Sunday and there seemed to be no message, I was worried... I remember thinking after I broke it ~ God what are you going to reveal to me this time? The thought brought tears to my eyes. Then nothing but a few thoughts... this one is going to come to me in pieces, maybe that's all I can take right now.

It's ok to hurt; remember the gift, the indescribable gift...

I AM your treasure...

Shattered dreams are your treasure...

Your pain has a purpose...

There is NO way to ME but through the rubble, through not around...

I know it is hard but with ME, YOU can do this...

Take my hand, walk and believe...

HE is also telling me that I may never see the purpose in this journey; this side of heaven anyway, and I think I am ok with that. Right now I am going to embrace the journey, thank and praise HIM for it...

I am ok with pieces and rubble... I treasure these times with HIM.

2 Corinthians 4:7
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

John 3:30
He must become greater; I must become less.

Jeremiah 17:14
Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.

Add Comment

the quietness of the season...

December 20, 2008

It seems I have been quiet for a bit, it's hard right now... it is ,a quiet that hurts deeply... We miss her so... It seems that every day closer to Christmas is a bit harder than the day before... I was reading MaryBeth Chapmans's newsletter and it says so much better than I can put into words at the moment that I wanted to share. However, I have made it more personal and in a way that relates to our season...

We are still grieving and coming to terms with the reality that Rachel and my dad are gone from us, but present with Christ. We honestly don’t like that very much. As we enter this Christmas season and all of the festivities that it brings, it also makes the point even louder that one of us is missing. A stocking that won’t be filled and less presents under the tree. Rachel had a contagious smile & laugh that would fill the room. The reality that the precious smile & laughter of Rachel won’t be heard for awhile has been a quiet loudness that screams for Jesus to come quickly…not as a baby in a humble manger, but as the King of all Kings that will wipe all of the confusion and tears from this sad momma’s eyes! I am eagerly anticipating His arrival.

October 24th Rachel turned 15. April 28th Rachel left for heaven. We don’t like it at all, and wish with all the wish in us that God would’ve spared us this cross, but for some reason beyond understanding, our family was chosen to walk this journey of suffering out in front of the world. Our only hope is that Christ Himself has been seen. Your prayers have been felt. Thanks from the deepest part of our hearts!

How would I have lived differently if I knew that my time with Rachel was going to be this short? Regretfully, I would have lived much differently. I would have purposely hugged and kissed more. I would have tried to memorize and lock away in my heart certain smells and smiles. I would have colored more and worked less. I would have laughed more and fussed less. I would have listened more and offer whatever words were needed. I mean really listened...

I wonder what it was like for Mary after her son’s death. I know she saw him resurrected and was certain of the fact that she would she him again, but she was still his mom. Mary found favor with God; therefore she was chosen to be Jesus’ mom. But because God favored Mary, she was also chosen to suffer. Not just at the crucifixion, but her whole life. She was chosen to carry a baby in her womb, be persecuted and give birth in a dirty stable. Most of the time at Christmas we end the story there…. in the stable, with Mary, Joseph and Jesus receiving their company. Wise men, shepherds, and angels - you get the picture in your head right? The star, the animals, the Nativity! What about the rest of it? Mary, mothering the Son of God! She was human, she had a baby, and she raised that baby with the heaviness that she was to see him suffer and thus she too would suffer. I think when Mary was hiding things in her heart; it was a lot more than the reality of whom she carried in her womb. I am certain that she was hiding away the memories of first smiles and steps, as well as the first tears and tumbles. Knowing what was to come, did Mary have the opportunity to live differently as a mom to her little boy? I believe she did. I am sure that she watched him differently, taught him differently, and prayed differently. I can only imagine the discussions that she and Joseph would have when their son wasn’t listening, how they probably begged God to let the cup pass from them, but in the end yielding up the prayer we all hesitate to pray when it comes to our children…. Your will be done. UGGHH!!!! I don’t want to. I didn’t want to on April 28th, and honestly I still don’t want to now. Yet somehow we did, and somehow we will continue to. I am reminded more than ever this Christmas, that it doesn’t end at the Nativity in Bethlehem in a cozy manger… it is a journey all the way to the cross on the hill in Golgotha on Good Friday.

Christmas for Chris, Andrew & I this year represents suffering. For that matter, from here on may we always remember that it represents the ultimate suffering that came. But isn’t it amazing that it is called GOOD Friday? Why is it good if it is full of suffering? Because Easter came on Sunday and what Satan intended for evil, God intended for GOOD! Christmas ultimately ends at Easter and the reality that we will see Rachel again! If we are to live as Christ, then we will suffer like Christ. I am thankful this Christmas more than ever for Easter. When all the questions I have will be answered and all the tears I have will be wiped away. Until then, Merry Christmas with the reality that Easter came and all of this suffering will some day be gone in a moment, and all things will become new and right and awesome! (courtesy of MB Chapman with my own thougths mingled in)

Thank for your prayers during this journey. It isn’t an easy one and your love and support is continually needed. May you be richly blessed for gracing us with your love.

Longing to see her sweet smile and hear her laugh in Heaven,


Add Comment

robin says...
"Thank you for sharing Mary Beth's words with us. She has no idea how the Lord is using her thoughts to minister to you and probably countless others this "would-be" joyous time of year. Our thoughts are with you as well. It hit me pretty hard to receive your Christmas card signed from "Chris, Georgia, and Andrew". I know it was more difficult for you to write it. We love you and still pray for you.
Merry Christmas,
The Selfs" (12/21/08)

Wanda Galloway says...
"Still praying dear sister. Your suffering is not in vain. I am touched and changed by your grief. Something I know you would have wished skipped over you.
I can't say anything magical that would take away your sorrow.....but I can pray and I can trust God to heal your heart.
Thank you for living outloud and sharing what God is doing in spite of your heartache. You inspire and encourage....and it's because of Rachel. God is using her every single day! May God blanket you with His love." (12/21/08)

Kari says...
"Nurse :)
YOu did live your life the way you should' chose a path that lead you to travel and take Rachel with you...look at the places you shared were her Mom, just the way she needed you to be. Only you could love her the way she needed." (12/23/08)

Monday, December 22, 2008

Wounds of life...

from Girlfriends in God

5 am wound of life is too infected for God to heal. No problem is too difficult for God to solve. No sin is too abominable for God to forgive. No sickness is beyond His ability to make well. He is able. I don't know the shattered matters of your life, but God does. He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly beyond all you can ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).

Hang on to Jesus, friend. Hang on to Jesus. "He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy" (Job 8:21). I know from personal experience that in the painful, tear-filled days, God is still good and can still be trusted. I know He is faithful. I've witnessed His strength in my weakness. I've felt His comfort in times of loss. And though we aren't always kept from experiencing shattered matters, we never have to endure them alone.

Take comfort that He knows every issue on your heart and is able to shoulder your burdens. Your challenges do not fall outside the scope of God's ability to intervene. God is mysterious, He is powerful, and He is able! When you lift your eyes from your situation and fix them on your Savior, you will find peace in the pain and strength in the struggle.

This month has really been a struggle, I miss her sooo...:-( I feel as though I have focused on my pain and not been fixing my eyes on HIM. There is peace in the pain and strength in the stuggle when I fix my eyes on HIM. HE knows my struggle, HE knows my pain, really knows my pain. HE gave up HIS one and only Son for me, HE knows my agony. HE allowed HIS own son to die a horrible death for my dirty sinful self. The thought brings me to my knees and reminds me that Christmas is about the greatest GIFT I could ever receive. If not for the GIFT, I would have no hope of ever seeing Rachel or my daddy again.

Thank you PAPA for reminding of your precious truths but most of all for your precious gift! Thank you PAPA for peace in the pain and strength in the struggle! I love you LORD!

Add Comment

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

more firsts...

trimming our tree, she loved to help me... with the exception of the back, the part nobody sees

bought everybody a new ornament and a family ornament (living tree)

hanging the stockings

signing Christmas cards

watching our favorite Christmas movies

having a snow day


picking out stocking stuffers with Chris

wrapping presents

opening cards from friends and family

We bought a living tree this year decorated with her favorite colors and will plant it after Christmas

Even still, it's hard...

Add Comment

Kari says...
"I am so proud of you for living through the are truly living my you!" (12/17/08)

Heather Calicott says...
"I thought about you when I saw Whitewright was out for a snow day. I lifted you up in prayer for your first snow day with out her. Think and pray for you often. When I come upon your locker at work it took my breath away to see her picture. I wasn't prepaired to see her looking at me. What a beatiful smile. I would love to have a picture of her. One from the age of 8 to 11 when I got to see that sweet face running to hug me. Love you!" (12/17/08)

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Andrew is 20!!!

20 bits of trivia about our boy on his birthday… We love you Andrew, Happy Birthday!!!

1. He took his time getting here, even though he was born @ 34 weeks. He was born at 1:07pm on December 11, 1988. He weighed 6 lbs 4 oz. Hard to believe that big ole boy was such a peanut. Denny said he could hang by his toes with those feet, they were big! However, he had a “banana” shaped head from making is mama work so hard to get him here.

2. I didn’t think it was funny when my OB said Chris could go deer hunting, “nothing will happen this weekend.” Chris met Andrew for the first time at 2 hours old.

3. He was a little piranha when he ate, ouch… and would not quit until he was 15 months old.

4. It seemed every time I took him to the pediatrician he always had what we called his 3rd eye, always into something and bumping his noggin.

5. He helped me pick peas out our garden the ONE and only summer we had one. The peas never made it to the house, he “unzipped” them and ate them right there on the spot.

6. He always wanted to sleep with us, never in his baby bed, and graduated to what had been his grandpa’s junior bed at 8 months. He still wanted in our bed, yes until Kindergarten and then all of a sudden he was a “big boy.”

7. He wouldn’t go to bed until we did, he had to fall asleep on the couch.

8. He hated baby food, only the real stuff including a T-bone steak at grandpa’s for his 1st birthday, he LOVED the bone.

9. His favorite meals were “gween rice” with chicken and tater tot casserole.

10. I will still never forget the year he and Chris went to get our chickens. Chris and his friend were wringing necks, one headless chicken chased after him. He would not ANY meat for a long time that had blood in it…

11. Because he couldn’t say “granny” he named his granny “Denny.”

12. When he was 2 he was in wreck with Chris, for weeks he would say “don’t tun mama, pease don’t tun.” He was afraid the car would “cwash again.”

13. He was mad when on the first day of school he couldn’t ride the “kool bus” aka school bus.

14. Drew Thorpe was one of his first buddies at school, we love you Drew!!!

15. He loved hanging with his daddy and pop, all the time. He still loves hanging with his dad, every chance he gets.

16. We’ve always been told how polite and well mannered he is, we are proud of you Bud!!!

17. He perpetualized the name “Unca Boo.”

18. He loved football, he loved winning, he loved tackling anybody he could get his hands on. He love his friends and would do anything for them. He loves little kids and they love him, he is very good with them. He loves his family!!!

19. He LOVED his sister, even though he teased and gave her a hard time, he LOVED his sister and would have protected her with everything he had in him.

20. We are very proud of the man that he has become. He is serving in the US Army. Rachel looked up to him, she is proud too!!! Andrew we love you… Happy Birthday.

Add Comment

LJ says...
"Happy 20th tomorrow Andrew!!!!!
We have some of our own sweet memories with you, and with Rachel. The summers spent in our kiddie pools, the guys love "the vine" story, fun times with us, ya'll and the Harmon's and watching you grow into a wonderful young man. You have a permanent spot in our hearts.
We all love you--Kenny, Lori, Judson and Colton" (12/10/08)

Aunt Judy & Andrea says...
"We were there when Andrew was born! Georgia called to wake Carol up, and we took her to the hospital. Andrea got to hold Andrew right after he was born, and she's always remembered it. We're proud of you, Andrew, Happy Birthday!" (12/10/08)

Robin says...
"Wishing Andrew a happy ( unbelievable! ) 20th!! What a handsome young man he is. I know you are so proud. By the way, Jonah is JUST NOW sleeping in his own bed in the first grade!! Only because it's a new bunk bed with his brother. But still loves to sleep holding mom's hair!" (12/15/08)

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

the Water Song

The Water Song...

December 10, 2008 2 am

The Water Song

Come, oh come! let us away~
Lower, lower every day,
Oh, what joy it is to race
Down to the lowest place.
This is the dearest law we know~
“It is happy to go low.”
Sweetest urge and sweetest will,
“Let us go down lower still.”
Hear the summons night and day
Calling us to come away.
From the heights we leap and flow
To the valleys down below.
Always answering to the call,
To the lowest place of all.
Sweetest urge and sweetest pain,
To go low and rise again.
Excerpt from Hinds’ Feet on High Places

I am feeling like the author of this song…

He is taking me low and lower still… HE is calling me to go there. Yes there is pain but it is sweet. I won’t say it doesn’t hurt, it hurts like I have never hurt before… the journey HE is leading me on is taking me lower and into the deepest dark places of my soul. He is showing that we must go there befo

re I can reach the highest heights of joy again. It is there that HE will empower me to pour out myself as a drink offering. Never before have I felt a despair like this or known it so intimately, not even during the darkest period of my life so many years ago. This despair is taking me to a place with HIM that I am not sure I have ever known and it is sweet. Painful but sweet. And I mean painful!!! HE is also showing me that the deepest or lowest part of the valley could be so beautiful. This journey is full of song. I can hear HIM in so many things… a card at just the right time, an email, the rain, the chatter of squirrels, the wind in the trees, the crunch of leaves, the birds singing, the lights on our tree, the comforting words of friends and family, a hug or a smile from my sweet husband, lunch with a friend, the chatter of women at a Christmas party, a sermon, a loving admonishment form my pastor or a phone call from my sweet boy. The love HE is embracing me with is so sweet. The journey is sweet. The journey from “shattered dreams” to joy may be long and hard but it is sweet. Thank you Lord for this journey!

Add Comment

LJ says...
"Thanking the Lord that you are following Him through the journey and love Him and are seeing Him!" (12/10/08)

Monday, December 8, 2008

Christmas Tree 2008

It is finished... I missed my "helper" terribly!!!

Add Comment

Carrie says...
"had to laugh when you were talking about her only decorating the part of the tree that everyone see's. She helped me at work put our tree up last year. She did not put any decorations on the back. When Pam asked her why? she stated no one see's it. Pam stated but the backside is facing the window ? Rachel stated keep the blinds down, or just let the lights shine. No one will notice but the people who work in the office. We never did decorate the backside of the tree last year. I wish she was here this year to help. She could have gotten away with not doing the backside, as we moved offices and the tree is now in the training room in a corner. Pam made a comment today that we needed Rachel and would pay her like she did in the past. She also took it down for us last year. Pam bought her a book for taking it down. Plus I'm sure she got paid." (12/8/08)

Marie says...
"I don't know how you did it. My girlfriend Leighann's first Christmas with out her son Jake, she did not want to put her tree up. But she did, another girlfriend and I helped her. We cried the whole time that we were decorating. I never realized how bitter sweet Christmas could seem. So many emotions, every ornament is a memory. I don't even hang my own ornaments up without remembering where it came from, or who I was with when I got it. Even though Rachel wasn't physically putting the decorations on the tree, I believe she helped you. Even if decorating the front of the tree was her thing, you know she would have never settled for no tree at all! She's still pushing you to do what she would want. That's what these girls do to us, demand crazy things out of us! And we do it, because we love them so so much. Do you still buy yourself an outfit or fix your hair a certain way, and here her voice asking, "Are you going to wear that?" I call Taelor my talking mirror. I can still see Taelor doing Rachel's hair for cheer, smell her special hairspray. (the one we can't use!) It's neat how they can hug your heart, even when you're not with them. I hope she hugs you tight today. She's proud of the tree. Love you, Marie" (12/9/08)

Sunday, December 7, 2008

2:45 am

2:45 am

I am laying in bed all snug in my warm bed, sleeping… I wake up and think surely not? Well surely it IS 2:45… What is up with that Lord?
It is still and very quiet… please, why 2:45?

I want to spend some time with you

Really, does it always have to be 2:45 in the morning?


This time I get right up, no waiting around. I know better. And these are sweet times He and I have together. I do look forward to them even at the earliest times. He will let me nap later.
Today was a hard day for many reasons, but I believe that He is using it. Heather’s death has opened a still very fresh wound… it takes me back to that night with Rachel. I remember the phone call, the girls at work, arriving at Parkland at the same time Chris arrives with Steve and Cathy, being led into the “Family Room” and refusing to go in “there” I know why they want me in there, I don’t want to go. I do… they tell us she will not live much longer… “Can we be with her?” I ask. They lead us in to see her and all I see is the most beautiful baby girl… How could this be happening??????? All I know to do at the moment is hold her sweet hand and whisper in her ear… baby girl I love you, you are the bestest girl in the world. Your daddy and I love you so much… we love you no matter what. The next thoughts that come to my mind are, “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me” and “ for I know the plans I have for you a plan to prosper you and not to harm you.” I kept repeating these over and over with my ear pressed to her chest, so I can hear her heart beat… I want to pick her up and hold her, instead all I can do is hold her hand and keep talking. I don’t want to miss a minute of her precious life… Minutes before they came in to pronounce her dead, I remember whispering in her ear, I love you baby girl, go be with Jesus baby girl, sleep sweet baby girl… over and over again until I knew she was with Jesus.

Lord,that was hard, really hard, going back to that night...

I know… that’s enough for now. Rest in me...

I will go rest now and probably sleep sweet, I know we will have another one of these meetings and though hard, they are always very sweet! Thank you Lord for this journey...

On a bit of a lighter note, I finished the tree today. It was hard but I believe that she was there watching and laughing because #1, I decorated the side “nobody would see” and because it is really full, she would have been ready to finish after about half way. Remember what I said about the back side, I’m not kidding, last year she left the side nobody could see blank!

Add Comment

LJ says...
"I love you!!" (12/9/08)

Monday, December 1, 2008

*Update* Broken and Poured Out...

*Update* Broken pitcher

Progress... or so I thought, in the beginning

December 1, 2008

Ok, so it is almost 3 am… I went up to bed at 1 am and have been fighting sleep ever since. I dozed for a bit and woke up at 2:30 or so…

Get up...

Are you serious???

Get up...

I mean really Lord, I need to get up in less than 3 hours

Get up…

Seriously? I have errands to run this morning, a nap to take, leave for work and then work a 12 hour shift

Get up…

I’ve learned that no matter how hard I try HE will not let me sleep until I get this on paper. HE wants me to share what HE is teaching me.

So, it’s 3 am and here I sit… getting ready to tell you about my broken pitcher and how it is coming.

I was getting ready to go up to bed around 10:30 or so. I passed the dining room table where the broken pitcher sat.

Put it together…

It’s hard to figure out where to start. I had put the 2 base pieces together right after I shattered it. The bottom seemed like the right place to start. I asked HIM where to start and HE showed me the way. I find myself gluing and then taking it apart because they don’t fit just right, perfect. I am reminded that HE doesn’t want me perfect, HE wants to continue refining me, I’ll NEVER be perfect this side of heaven. If I were put together perfectly, there would be no cracks for HIM to shine through- no shattered dreams. HE doesn’t want me perfect, just obedient and usable.

He reveals many things to me as I work.

HE uses the pain of shattered dreams to help me discover a true desire for HIM and a new intimacy with HIM

The pitcher is difficult to put together, am I really this hard for HIM to work with? If I want to be honest with myself and more importantly honest with HIM, yes

The bigger cracks represent bigger shattered dreams. I am learning that this is where the greater lessons are learned and HE draws me closer. I should welcome more of these times. It is during these times that I truly embrace HIM

More glue is more of HIM

I thought the broken pitcher was going to represent my sinful past and yes, present… it also represents my shattered dreams and how HE is using those times for HIS glory

HE reveals to me, just how little I REALLY know about HIM and HIS healing in my life

Have I mentioned the putting the pitcher is difficult

I won’t give up even though the journey is hard and it hurts, deeply. I know that I am right where HE wants me

It’s not going back together like I thought it would or looking how I think it should. HE is helping me put it together like HE wants to look

I’m making a real mess of this when I get ahead of myself and don’t let HIM guide me

If I’d stuck with starting at the base it would have been easier, does HE really want it to be easy

If I’d stuck with starting at the base, the foundation would have been stronger

This pitcher will never hold water, but then again HE doesn’t want it to. HE wants living water to flow from it, He wants me poured out

I thought we were going to finish, I look at the clock and it is 12:30 am… there’s still mending to do, rest.

I head for bed. As I am getting ready for bed, HE tells me to start over…

What you’ve got to be kidding me start over?

Start over

With what?

Something treasured

Something treasured... what do I have to offer?

A clay pot

Then, I remember a clay pot that was my great-grandmothers. I do treasure it. That is where WE will start over with the broken pitcher or shattered pot. Whew, I feel better already. Now I can go to bed or so I thought. As I lay in bed trying to sleep, I keep picturing the unfinished pitcher… there is a gaping hole in the side and it is not finished. HE gently reminds me that the gaping hole in the side represents the shattered dream that has left a gaping hole in my heart that only HE can fill. I’m not sure when WE will finish the pitcher, but for now I know that the clay pot is what I have to offer HIM.

Yes, it IS progress! Thank you LORD!!!

2 Corinthians 4:7
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

Add Comment

Paige Furst says... (Edit / Delete)
"Wow. What an intimacy with the Father... I guess it can only come from a desperation/ a true dependence on Him for the next step. They lived like this in Biblical times when there was real need, hunger, persecution, pain. We just never have any of that until the pain of life becomes unbearable. He is really becoming your Abba Father as you walk toward Him in your pain.

I love you dear friend." (12/1/08)

johnna says... (Edit / Delete)
"Man, I was all ready to head out the door and now I have to redo my mascara! We are all broken pitchers Georgia and we all have cracks & holes. We strive for perfection here on earth and He doesn't want perfection, He just wants our hearts. It's so simple but so difficult because we have to lay it all down and become vulnerable to Him when we expose those cracks and holes. I love you Georgia and the Lord is using you to help me see Him more clearly." (12/1/08)

Cathy says... (Edit / Delete)
"Amazing. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. You have truly been an encouragement to my life and my relationship with our God. It leaves me speechless. Love you." (12/1/08)

Emiley Wright says... (Edit / Delete)
"I am so thankful that i have the privaledge to read the blogs from your site, God is using you to help me see Him in a way i never knew of. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING!!" (12/1/08)

Leon Veazey says... (Edit / Delete)
"WOW! Georgia, this is so awesomely profound! There HAS to be a book that eventually comes from this journey. You life is ALREADY a book that so many of us are reading. God is feeding us and growing us even through your life. Thanks for being a surrendered vessel, a broken pitcher that He is mending! Our lives truly are vessels of imperfection, through which His glory pours out through the holes of our imperfections. What a MIGHTY GOD we serve! Thanks for sharing again. I love and appreciate you as one of God’s riches blessings in my life and ministry. Thanks for being a treasure!

Love in Christ,

" (12/4/08)