Sunday, October 24, 2010

Happy Birthday sweet girl!!!

she turns 18 today...

we planted and babied this Tyler Rose bush all summer at the cemetery with no blooms and now today... thank you Lord!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Out of the Darkness for the Prevention of Suicide...

On October 23, a group of friends, family and Whitewright High School students and teachers walked in the Out of the Darkness Community Walk. It was a special day... She would be 18 on the 24th. I can't think of a better way to honor her memory.

We joined with thousands of people nationwide to walk in AFSP's Dallas/Ft. Worth Out of the Darkness Community Walk to benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Girls Get Away Cruise 2010

First cruise I have ever been on... I am booked for the next one. I am so looking forward to January 2012! And yes, I will snorkel again!!! I made some awesome new friends AND conquered my fear of "Jaws." Yes, Jaws... it was the only movie I ever snuck in to see and I have been punished ever since. I was 10, now I am dating myself, oh well... For years I thought Jaws just might come up out of the pool drain and get me. And I have NEVER been in the ocean deeper than my ankles. I was determined to see the beauty HE created in the ocean. This past summer I kept thinking and praying about snorkeling. I knew HE wanted to show off HIS beauty. Our music minister had just gotten back from a cruise and talked about the beauty that HE created in the ocean, ugh really?!?!?!? His message confirmed to me that I was supposed to snorkel...

The water was rough and our guide offered to let us choose another excursion... I knew HE would keep me safe and jumped in. HIS beauty was amazing!!! The fish, the coral reefs, feeling HIS hand guide me, WOW!!! And you know what? We didn't even see a shark but we did see a Great Barracuda and so many colorful fish and reefs! His beauty, AMAZING!!!

The speakers, the worship, the fellowship, the rest (even though we never could figure out what time it was), the anointing of His spirit... thank you Lord!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Show us your life, Mission Trips

Mission Trip New Orleans 2005

Several years ago... the only Mission Trip I have ever been on... I met some incredible kids in an impoverished neighborhood in New Orleans, some of the neatest kids I have ever met, hungry in so may ways... hungry for food, love and attention and a little bit of Jesus. Prayerfully we met all of those needs! I may never know but God does. You see, one week after we got back Hurricane Katrina hit ravaged New Orleans. All we know is that their apartment complex was under water and completley destroyed... I think of those children often and pray that one day I will see them again. It was a trip that forever changed the way that I experience life. You just ever know how many opportunities you have with someone to let them see and experience Jesus.

girls from our youth group, crazy...

a few more of our youth with the children from New Orleans

her name was "Angela," she captured my heart

Lindsay and one of the children...

two of our youth "working" the clothes closet, Rachel and Lauren

these two girls... both angels in Heaven now... Rachel Fulenwider, my baby girl (10/92~4/08) and Heather Rhoads, sweet friend of ours and youth group member (7/89~12/08)

Monday, March 1, 2010


All I can say is ugh.... oh how I wish the weekend had all been like Fri. night. I had so much fun with Jennifer. I surprised her and we went to see Phantom of the Opera. Her excitement truly blessed me!

Then Saturday happened... I think Sat was the culmination of the last few weeks and I knew it was coming but dang!!!! It seems like this is the roughest it has been... I miss that ole fart and I knew he kept Chris company... but it turned into so much more than Griff, I am truly sad about him but the emotion of his death has triggered so much more......... ANGER! I had been cooking and baking all day. Doesn't sound very relaxing and restful but for me it is. When I finished my baking I really just threw me a big 'ole fit... at the house and then mainly at the cemetery. I cried, no more like I sobbed, screamed, hollered, shook my fists, maybe even kicked me some dirt, sobbed some more... I am so stinking tired of all this! How much more? Then I regret asking how much more because He can show me how much more.... all of it angers me. Angers me in a way I have not felt in a long time, I don't like it. I'm just stinking MAD! Not sure who I am mad at, just mad... I want a do over, I want them, all back, Rachel, my daddy, Heather, JoJo, and yes even Griff (our dog). I miss that grumpy ole fart and it sure is quiet around here, the girls (the other 3 dogs) are lost with no one to boss them around and I don't even have to fight for my spot in the bed...

I want my baby girl back... I miss her... I want her in my life, in my arms, I need to hear her call me "momma" in that sweet little voice of hers, I need all those things, I know the value of the journey but I am tired and right this moment I just want her back! I'm tired of the roller coaster of emotions... I'm just plain tired and I am not sure it is a tired that sleep will fix... In fact probably sleep won't fix it. I slept most of yesterday. Sat night I started getting the chills and that overall "I think I am coming down wth somethig feeling." I still felt that way Sun morning and could not get rid of the chills so I wet back to bed and slept until 2:30 in the afteroon and really never left the couch all day. It is now almost 4am and I am up and know that I should be asleep but my brain will NOT shut up. Too may thoughts running through my head like a broken record... that Sunday before I left for work planning our trip to Austin, snuggling with her in bed, that Mon afternoon trying to call her and congratulate her about getting her permit, talking to Chris on the way to work, the phone call, the girls at work jumpig to action all the while so confused and hurting as mothers themselves, telling my daddy, the drive, being taken to "that" room where they told us her condition, rushing in to see her, talking to her, holding her hand, hearing her heart still beating, saying to myself over and over "for I know the plans I have for you and I can do all things through Christ who stregthens me," saying "go be with Jesus" over and over to her, saying goodbye to her one more time, kissing each of her painted and chipped toes and fingers, clinging to Chris like never before and all those people that came to love on us, seeing those heartbroken and confused kids and friends, the drive to my dad's, the drive home, seeing her room, the smell, knowing how loved we were then and still are, the funeral home, planning her funeral, picking out that dang casket, feeling my knees almost buckle right beneath me and thinking I was gonna throw up that very moment, that whole week seems to be such a blur and yet so clear. A broken record of memories I wish had ever happened. But the value of the journey... priceless I know. I keep reminding myself of that. And then the record starts all over... I wanna get past this... I want to rest, I don't want to be angry anymore.

Healing hand of God - Jeremy Camp

Friday, January 29, 2010

Matthew West - Save A Place For Me

One of the amazing songs HE played for me today in my attempt to make it to Missouri to be with Jenn. I am sure I have heard it before, I have the CD, but it was as if I heard it for the first time today...

Thursday, January 28, 2010

K-LOVE - Selah "Unredeemed" LIVE

a song sung by the group Selah, inspired by Todd Smith after the death of his little girl... I have followed his wife's blog and journey and am amazed, inspired and thankful that God led me to her blog...

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Another sleepless night...

I am up can't sleep... Haven't had one of these nights in forever... This is what He laid on my heart, nothing like writing in the blackberry, I guessit's better than a scratch piece of paper... I guess as this next step on the journey begins I'll have to find all of those. Anyway here goes... It'sa beginning to something beyond my wildest imagination, I am looking forward to seeing what He is gonna do! Here goes, it's very short but a start...

April 28th, 2008... It was a day like any other... Chris took Rachel toschool, took her to get her permit and I headed off to work that night. Yetone fateful moment in time, one phone call changed my life, our livesforever, it set my feet on the path of a journey I never imagined I would beon. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined how drastically ourlives could change in the blink of an eye. It is not a journey that I wouldhave signed up for but it is also not one I would trade for anything. WouldI take my baby girl back in a split second, selfishly yes but my heart says,no. I would have missed the blessing of this precious journey with Him. Iam humbled and stand amazed that He chose me for the journey!