August 28

August 28

She may be gone, but she lives on in each one of us. I know that this week has been harder for some than usual... Back to School. Just remember if you are a student reading this she is walking those same halls, sitting at "your" lunch table and getting ready for drill team and smiling with each one of you even if only in spirit. Embrace those happy school times and take her with you every where you go!

Each and every one of us has sweet, precious memories… I remember how she always looked forward to school. I also remember the day I picked her up from her first day of school and she was mad that she didn’t have homework… I also remember every day I dropped her off at school she still gave me a kiss on the lips… I also remember how when she hung up from talking to me on the phone she would say “muah.” Her way of kissing over the phone…

A Wedding...

A wedding...

God is so good...

As I was thinking today He reminded me of something precious...

One of the things that I have had a hard time with is knowing that I will never see Rachel get married... He ever so gently reminded me today that she has met her bridegroom! While I have missed her wedding, I will share this experience with her someday. Rachel's death is hard on us but she is more alive and happier than she has ever been. Death was not the end of her life, it was just the beginning and it all began the moment she met her bridegroom. One day I'll join her... I'll see my little girl again.

A year of firsts...

A year of firsts...

A year of firsts, so far...

Mother’s day

Graduation's

Father’s day

Summer by the pool seeing who could get the best tan, I always won

Mission Trip/ Youth camp

Vacation to see Andrew

Wedding showers (haven't been able to tackle this or the next one)

Weddings

Seeing a mother with her daughter that has just had a baby

Strolling through Dillard's and noticing things that she would have liked or looked cute in, Chris and I neither one liked to shop, I’d give anything to take her shopping...

Meet the Tiger night, Football games, drill team, cheerleading… I loved how excited she was when got to be a “flyer” and got her “cradle” right, you should have seen the light in her eyes when she got "it," I always said that I was not a cheerleader mom, I’d give anything to see her cheer...

Back to school...

Still many firsts to tackle…

So far this year of firsts has been so hard, but I know God has given us enough grace and peace to get through one second at a time... we will never be the same, but I also know that we are supposed to share our story and live the life God gave us to live in the midst of all we are going through.

More than a memory

I have been mulling over in my mind a blog for a week or so, it has taken until now to put it together. It’s been a hard one. Stay with me… it’s all over the place. I can’t seem to organize my thoughts…

Here goes...

It’s been almost 4 months… that’s really hard to write. It also hurts to realize that time moves on without her. Broken, that is what I am today…

These words are borrowed from a friend… I love them. “There is much that the enemy cannot take from us. He cannot take our memories, our pure love, the way we have held each other up… he cannot.

He cannot have our hope, nor our inexplicable peace. NEVER!

How do I make it through the days… every day is new. Some days are really great ones and others are really, really hard ones. I ask Him everyday for the strength that He promised me to make it through yet another day.

Sometimes the memories from that night come back… I remember getting the phone call. I remember how all of my Baylor buddies sprang into action and prayed over me. I remember going to Daddy’s and telling him. I remember telling Marianne over and over and over again… she’s going to be OK no matter what, meaning, if she lived or even if she died. I remember feeling His presence in that ER room when He came to take her home. I remember pressing my ear to her chest so I could hear her heart beat. I remember talking to her and telling her over and over “I love you baby girl.” I also remember repeating over and over again, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13) and For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)” I also remember telling her as I felt her slipping away “it’s Ok, go be with Jesus.” I remember the moment she died. It was 11:10 pm. I remember kissing her cute little nose, running my hands over her fingers, looking at her feet and kissing each one of her toes, so many memories from that night. Hard ones, yet so comforting too. Memories of His comfort shown to us through hospital cha


plains, a pastor we had never met, our pastor, family and so many friends. Hearing that when people in Whitewright got the news, they headed straight for church to pray. I also know that she is OK, just like He promised. She is in heaven worshipping the King of Kings. Hallelujah!!!

Have I been mad, yes… at anyone or anything no. I guess my anger has really been directed at the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy. Why did God allow it to happen? I don’t think that we will ever know, but I believe God was there. I believe He had tears in His eyes as He watched us grieve. I believe he wept and continues to weap with us. Every moment of every day, I believe He is with me even as I’ve sat in the shower and screamed and cried. Even as I’ve sat in her closet and clutched or even smelled her things. Even as I’ve cried all the way to work or home from work, knowing she will not be here when I get home. Even as I sit here knowing that today was the first time I’ve never had a child to take to school. I know that we will never understand this side of eternity but I do know that when I get to heaven I will see her sweet smile and hear her sweet voice say “momma.” When that day comes none of the why’s will matter anymore.

I know that He wants us to share this experience, if we were to retreat from everyone and everything how would that honor her? It certainly would not honor the One who gave her to us. And He knows our pain, afterall He exerienced it. God is no stranger to grief… He knows exactly what it’s like to lose a child. Just as He could have breathed life back into Rachel and gave her life, He could have allowed His one and only Son to live, but He didn’t. Talk about heartbreak… Instead He rescued us, all of us who know Him. He promised that He’s near the broken hearted and I have never felt Him more.

I have told God several times since that night, that YOU cannot ask this of me… it’s too hard… I CAN’T do this! I’ve had my share of grief and hard times, why more? Then I read Beth Moore’s Get Out of That Pit and was reminded that “if God allowed us to be thrown into a pit, we weren’t picked on; we were picked out. God entrusted this suffering to us because He has faith in us. We are going to live up to it. All the way up.”

Hello's

GOD is so awesome, just this morning those pennies are still on my bathroom counter and I thought about you and our precious kids. My first thought was, maybe it's time I give these pennies to Georgia and then I started thinking about our girls. But I have always heard a penny found on tails is bad luck if you pick it up, so I never would pick them up, until someone told me after Amy passed that pennies were Hello's from heaven. Now I pick them up all the time and most of the time just when I need a Hello the most. That Monday night at the hospital, just out the doors of the hospital only minutes after Rachel went to be with The Lord (and Amy and Steven), there lay three pennies side by side. When I saw them my thought was, there are 3 couples here tonight that has lost their child (me and Lonnie, James Claborn, and now Chris and Georgia). Those 3 Hello from Heaven pennies told me, Rachel was in Heaven safely with Amy and Steven. I picked those pennies up and said "Thank you, Jesus" & brought them home to give to you. I know this sounds silly to some folks, but I know God placed those pennies just for me to see that night, otherwise someone else might have just walked right over them. Those pennies were meant for you and me. We paid a high price for 3 pennies, but the Hello from heaven is priceless.

Thank you Jackie...

The Shack

The Shack

I listened to this book on our trip to North Carolina. It is AWESOME!!! I was not at all prepared... it was difficult... but I recommend it to everybody. It's right up there with Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers for me. I will be buying several copies... one for me and one for the church library.

...mind you I had NO idea what I was getting myslef in to...

Mackenzie Allen Philips' youngest daughter, Missy, has been abducted during a family vacation and evidence that she may have been murdered is found in an abandoned shack deep in the Oregon wilderness. Four years later in the midst of his Great Sadness, Mack receives a suspicious note, apparently from God, inviting him back to that shack for a weekend.

Against his better judgement he arrives at the shack on a wintry afternoon and walks back into his darkest nightmare. What he finds there will change Mack's world forever.

In a world where religion seems to grow increasingly irrelevant. The Shack wrestles with the timeless question, "Where is God in a world so filled with unspeakable pain?" The answers Mack gets will astound you and perhaps transform you as much as it did him.

Reading "The Shack"' wasn't reading a book, it was listening to a song...a bittersweet, story that every person should hear. Reading "The Shack", wasn't reading a book, it was finding a treasure... a deeply hidden priceless, shining treasure, that every person should discover. Reading "The Shack", wasn't reading a book, it was taking a journey, a soul-searching, simply difficult, incredible journey that everyone should make time to take. Reading "The Shack", wasn't reading a book.....it was reading a love letter. A beautifully, touching, loveletter, that every person needs to get......that no one could forget. No, it wasn't reading a book........it was receiving a gift!!!! Thanks Papa!!!