January 31, 2009 3am
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28-29
Rest these days sounds awesome... yes I have been up since 1:30 am but I have been resting I promise. In Him, that is... A few weeks ago I became very angry and resentful, I'm still there. But my emotions have taken a rest. Jesus has given me rest for my weary soul for just a bit and I have decided to relish in it awhile. I need it... Grief is hard work. HE is teaching me patience, I want to be done. HE is also teaching me that this journey will never be over. It is not my goal to get over this grief. I will get past this anger and resentment I feel for Rachel and HIM. I want to get to a point where I can think about Rachel and not feel this intense pain. I know it will be awhile, for now I need rest...
When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. Psalm 84:6
I am walking through the valley~ it is NOT my final destination. I have to keep reminding myself of that one... I know too that God has something else, something GREAT in store for us as HE continues to meet us on this journey.
Add Comment
Cathy says...
"You know... your last sentence speaks volumes! My friend, our God does have something for you that is beyond your wildest dreams! Not just for you, but for Chris! Hang in there just doesn't seem like the right word to say so Hang on to Him because your blessings will be abundant!! Love you." (1/31/09)
Cyndi says...
"It is a long journey, I can't tell you when it will get better or if it will get tolerable but you can count on the LORD. 62:7 In GOD is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in GOD." (2/12/09)
Vicki Windham says...
"Georgia..I know that this journey has to be tough one but I know somehow through your experience you bless so many with your words," (2/20/09)
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
January 24, 2009
Last year Rachel decided not to try out for cheerleader. She later regretted it but was VERY excited when she made the drill team.
I also remember her giving heart... last year when we were in Washington DC she wanted to feed every homeless person that we saw. She was even willing to give up her Subway sandwich for them... the nurse in me came out and would not let her. I was afraid that they would put it up for "later" and make them sick. Later I thought how stupid that was... after all where and what do they eat most of the time. Her heart was in the right place...
Add Comment
LJ says...
"Thanks for sharing! Yes, Rachel was giving, and I am sure she is right now in Heaven, what a wonderful place to be serving!
Love you!!" (1/25/09)
Marie says...
"I had not seen that picture of the girls. I'll be sure and show it to Taelor. Taelor and Harley are getting ready to try out for cheerleader. This has Taelor really missing Rachel. For AP English Taelor had to write an essay on something that has changed her life. She wrote about losing Rachel. If you want to read it, I'll get it for you. She called from her Dad's house and read it to me last night. She mentioned a Bible verse, maybe from the funeral? Not sure. It suprizes me what stays with this kids. Has it really been that long ago?" (1/26/09)
Carrie says...
"Rachel was so giving and kind hearted. She always was curious about the kids I work with. She wanted to help with the younger ones. She even liked talking to some of my teenager that I worked with. " (1/26/09)
Emiley says...
"Sweet, sweet girl. Thank-you for sharing! Thinking of you!!" (1/27/09)
Friday, January 16, 2009
Still...
Driving to work on Tuesday I was listening to the radio and CD's like always. I look forward to the time I have in the car ~ it's always a great time of worship and time spent with Him, mostly listening. It's always exactly what I need to hear.
Still
The more I get alone
The more I see I need to get alone more, more
Cause just when I think that I'm alone
Your Spirit calls out to me
And even silence has a song
Cause that's when You come
Sing over me
Still, let me be still
Let me be okay
With the quiet in my heart
Still, I want to be still
I'm so quick to move
Instead of listening to You
Shut my mouth
Crush my pride
Give me the tears
Of a broken life
Still
Of this world, it falls around me
And flutters all it's beauty in my eyes
But let me choose the solitude
Simplicity has always simply changed my life
Cause even stillness makes me move
Cause that's when my heart
Learns to dance with you (I love this...)
Still, let me be still
Let me be okay
With the quiet in my heart
Still, I want to be still
I'm so quick to move
Instead of listening to You
I'm your child
Tame my heart
Obedience
To me impart
Still
hold me
cleanse me
change me, oh God
Change me while I am
Still, let me be still
And know that you are God
And You're always enough
Still, I want to be still
To take all that I am
And simply lift it up
Shut my mouth
Crush my pride
Give me the tears
Of a broken life
Still... Still.. Still.. Still...
Word of God Speak
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say
Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak
I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
and the funny thing is it's okay
He reminded me that even when I am at a loss for words; which is most of the time, it's okay. So many times the words to the songs I hear become my prayer. And sometimes I feel like He is speaking these words just for me...
There Will Be a Day
I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew
But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we'll hold on to you always
I know the journey seems so long
You feel you’re walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone
Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting
I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing
I am ready for "that day..."
I can remember years ago when I was grieving and healing over my past sin of abortion (Samuel and David) on my drive to work; though much shorter back then, if the radio became fuzzy (that happens alot when you live in the country) I realized He wanted me to speak to Him. I spent that time in prayer. Healing and grieving over how I had hurt Him...I spent that time speaking to Him, confessing, crying, confessing... It was a very healing time in my life. It was a precious time...
Now as I grieve for Rachel and slowly try to heal... I am realizing that I will never heal completely this side of heaven. I am also realizing that He wants me listening, really listening to Him. Whether it be in song, a word from a friend, walks in the park and the sounds of His creation or even just noticing the change of the seasons. He is always faithful to speak...
I am thankful for both seasons in my life. Both journeys, but especially this one, have lead me to become a better person with a stronger, deeper more centered and grounded faith. This journey has led me to a place where the joy is unspeakable even in the pain.
Still
The more I get alone
The more I see I need to get alone more, more
Cause just when I think that I'm alone
Your Spirit calls out to me
And even silence has a song
Cause that's when You come
Sing over me
Still, let me be still
Let me be okay
With the quiet in my heart
Still, I want to be still
I'm so quick to move
Instead of listening to You
Shut my mouth
Crush my pride
Give me the tears
Of a broken life
Still
Of this world, it falls around me
And flutters all it's beauty in my eyes
But let me choose the solitude
Simplicity has always simply changed my life
Cause even stillness makes me move
Cause that's when my heart
Learns to dance with you (I love this...)
Still, let me be still
Let me be okay
With the quiet in my heart
Still, I want to be still
I'm so quick to move
Instead of listening to You
I'm your child
Tame my heart
Obedience
To me impart
Still
hold me
cleanse me
change me, oh God
Change me while I am
Still, let me be still
And know that you are God
And You're always enough
Still, I want to be still
To take all that I am
And simply lift it up
Shut my mouth
Crush my pride
Give me the tears
Of a broken life
Still... Still.. Still.. Still...
Word of God Speak
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say
Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak
I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
and the funny thing is it's okay
He reminded me that even when I am at a loss for words; which is most of the time, it's okay. So many times the words to the songs I hear become my prayer. And sometimes I feel like He is speaking these words just for me...
There Will Be a Day
I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew
But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we'll hold on to you always
I know the journey seems so long
You feel you’re walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone
Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting
I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing
I am ready for "that day..."
I can remember years ago when I was grieving and healing over my past sin of abortion (Samuel and David) on my drive to work; though much shorter back then, if the radio became fuzzy (that happens alot when you live in the country) I realized He wanted me to speak to Him. I spent that time in prayer. Healing and grieving over how I had hurt Him...I spent that time speaking to Him, confessing, crying, confessing... It was a very healing time in my life. It was a precious time...
Now as I grieve for Rachel and slowly try to heal... I am realizing that I will never heal completely this side of heaven. I am also realizing that He wants me listening, really listening to Him. Whether it be in song, a word from a friend, walks in the park and the sounds of His creation or even just noticing the change of the seasons. He is always faithful to speak...
I am thankful for both seasons in my life. Both journeys, but especially this one, have lead me to become a better person with a stronger, deeper more centered and grounded faith. This journey has led me to a place where the joy is unspeakable even in the pain.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Precious Gifts
January 11, 2009
My children, all of them have been the most precious gifts God has ever given me, aside from Jesus that is. Andrew continues to bless me in me so many ways. He brings me joy, laughter, smiles and fun. I am so proud of the man he is becoming… And Rachel, her life was a gift too. She still brings me joy, laughter and smiles. I was so proud of the woman she was becoming.
Her life was a gift but her death has been too… that was HARD to say! And even harder to accept! I am still working on that. Her death began a journey that has been a precious gift. This journey has given me many precious moments, hard but welcome lessons, sleepless nights, early morning meetings, awesome worship often alone and in my car, and sweet prayer time; all with Him.
I have learned and continue to learn many things along the way but the one that stands out the most is that I am nothing more than a cracked pot, a vessel to be poured out, a vessel that blesses Him in everything that I do and say. The journey has been sweet yet hard and I mean hard. It continues to be hard… but it has been an indescribable gift!
Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!
2 Corinthians 9:15
Add Comment
Kari says...
"In Pastor's sermon's today he talked about when we go to the next level in our walk with Him it's usually when we are going through a tragedy, I know that to be so true. I so want to go to the next level now, but the price can be too much.........Stay close to Him as he brings you up to the "next level"" (1/11/09)
My children, all of them have been the most precious gifts God has ever given me, aside from Jesus that is. Andrew continues to bless me in me so many ways. He brings me joy, laughter, smiles and fun. I am so proud of the man he is becoming… And Rachel, her life was a gift too. She still brings me joy, laughter and smiles. I was so proud of the woman she was becoming.
Her life was a gift but her death has been too… that was HARD to say! And even harder to accept! I am still working on that. Her death began a journey that has been a precious gift. This journey has given me many precious moments, hard but welcome lessons, sleepless nights, early morning meetings, awesome worship often alone and in my car, and sweet prayer time; all with Him.
I have learned and continue to learn many things along the way but the one that stands out the most is that I am nothing more than a cracked pot, a vessel to be poured out, a vessel that blesses Him in everything that I do and say. The journey has been sweet yet hard and I mean hard. It continues to be hard… but it has been an indescribable gift!
Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!
2 Corinthians 9:15
Add Comment
Kari says...
"In Pastor's sermon's today he talked about when we go to the next level in our walk with Him it's usually when we are going through a tragedy, I know that to be so true. I so want to go to the next level now, but the price can be too much.........Stay close to Him as he brings you up to the "next level"" (1/11/09)
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
To laugh again...
December 31, 2008
Rather than read from Shattered Dreams this evening, God led me to continue in my Stepping Up Bible study... It reaffirmed for me what I am learning through Shattered Dreams. Beth Moore says "God's delivering us from every ounce of trial will never develop the relationship that occurs when God shows Himself faithful right in the midst of difficulty, delivering us through it. That's where we come to know Him, to love Him, to appreciate Him. When our lives are immersed in Him, every ending, everything we believe to be the death of is instead a hand-engraved invitation to a new beginning." Here's to new beginnings... This shattered dream is developing a much deeper and closer relationship with Him. I know Him, love Him, and appreciate Him like never before. And as hard as this journey is I am thankful for it...
After the last couple of rough days, it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I sat and wept with thanks and not sorrow. Thankful for a word from Him and comfort just when I needed it. And a pretty awesome way to end the year...
He says it so much better than me, so here are just a few of the scriptures that spoke to me...
Psalm 125: 1 & 2
Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion,
which cannot be shaken but endures forever.
As the mountains surround Jerusalem,
so the LORD surrounds his people
both now and forevermore.
Picture that with me... surrounded by Him, hemmed in by Him, His presence looming over you from every direction. Nothing can close in on you without closing in on Him first. Hallelujah!!!
Psalm 34: 17-19
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all
Acts 14:22
"We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God"
Psalm 116:1-7
I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.
The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the LORD :
"O LORD, save me!"
The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.
The LORD protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.
Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.
It's been a hard year but He has been good...
Isaiah 43: 16, 18-19
This is what the LORD says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
Psalm 30: 8-12
To you, O LORD, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:
"What gain is there in my destruction, in my going down into the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me;
O LORD, be my help."
You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.
Psalm 126
When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion,
we were like men who dreamed.
Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
"The LORD has done great things for them."
The LORD has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.
Restore our fortunes, O LORD,
like streams in the Negev.
Those who sow in tears
will reap with songs of joy.
He who goes out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with him.
We will laugh again...
Goodbye 2008 and hello 2009, I know there are still rough days weeks and even months ahead but I know He is with me...
Add Comment
victoria says...
"As I was getting ready to head out tonight I was thinking of you & Chris. Funny, the only email tonight once home was from the people I thought about all night. With all that you have endured this year, I pray Lord for you both to have an "easier" year. We are all here with you. Take care" (12/31/08)
Rather than read from Shattered Dreams this evening, God led me to continue in my Stepping Up Bible study... It reaffirmed for me what I am learning through Shattered Dreams. Beth Moore says "God's delivering us from every ounce of trial will never develop the relationship that occurs when God shows Himself faithful right in the midst of difficulty, delivering us through it. That's where we come to know Him, to love Him, to appreciate Him. When our lives are immersed in Him, every ending, everything we believe to be the death of is instead a hand-engraved invitation to a new beginning." Here's to new beginnings... This shattered dream is developing a much deeper and closer relationship with Him. I know Him, love Him, and appreciate Him like never before. And as hard as this journey is I am thankful for it...
After the last couple of rough days, it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I sat and wept with thanks and not sorrow. Thankful for a word from Him and comfort just when I needed it. And a pretty awesome way to end the year...
He says it so much better than me, so here are just a few of the scriptures that spoke to me...
Psalm 125: 1 & 2
Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion,
which cannot be shaken but endures forever.
As the mountains surround Jerusalem,
so the LORD surrounds his people
both now and forevermore.
Picture that with me... surrounded by Him, hemmed in by Him, His presence looming over you from every direction. Nothing can close in on you without closing in on Him first. Hallelujah!!!
Psalm 34: 17-19
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all
Acts 14:22
"We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God"
Psalm 116:1-7
I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.
The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the LORD :
"O LORD, save me!"
The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.
The LORD protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.
Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.
It's been a hard year but He has been good...
Isaiah 43: 16, 18-19
This is what the LORD says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
Psalm 30: 8-12
To you, O LORD, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:
"What gain is there in my destruction, in my going down into the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me;
O LORD, be my help."
You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.
Psalm 126
When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion,
we were like men who dreamed.
Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
"The LORD has done great things for them."
The LORD has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.
Restore our fortunes, O LORD,
like streams in the Negev.
Those who sow in tears
will reap with songs of joy.
He who goes out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with him.
We will laugh again...
Goodbye 2008 and hello 2009, I know there are still rough days weeks and even months ahead but I know He is with me...
Add Comment
victoria says...
"As I was getting ready to head out tonight I was thinking of you & Chris. Funny, the only email tonight once home was from the people I thought about all night. With all that you have endured this year, I pray Lord for you both to have an "easier" year. We are all here with you. Take care" (12/31/08)
Monday, December 29, 2008
We were able to laugh...
We took Andrew to the airport late this afternoon... As we were waiting in line to check in, we were able to laugh. It is so hard to say goodbye yet were able to laugh even if only for a moment.
There was a couple standing in line in front of us with a toddler... he like any little boy wanted to explore. His ever so patient mommy kept telling him he had to stay close to her. If not, he had to go in the stroller. One too many times he strayed... the first time she attempted to put him in the stroller was hilarious, arms and legs flailing everywhere. Chris and I couldn't help but chuckle. Andrew was a houdini when it came to the stroller or a car seat. And don't even think about trying to put him in either if he didn't want to go. You could push him in the stroller and was able to put the brakes on with his feet and almost topple the stroller. Well, Grandpa rescued him the first time... then it happened again. It was funnier the second time, arms flailing, legs kicking and screaming, "mommy stay, mommy stay." Daddy decided to show her up this time, he could get him the stroller... he did and when he pushed it, the screaming little boy would put the brakes on with his short little legs... All Chris and I would do was laugh, but I do remember a day when it was not so funny...
Then we had to say goodbye and the tears came...
Add Comment
kari says...
"It is fun to laugh now and then, huh? I'm glad you got to spend time with Andrew..." (12/29/08)
LJ says...
"We love our Andrew!!! Glad he could see a glimpse of the past!" (12/30/08)
There was a couple standing in line in front of us with a toddler... he like any little boy wanted to explore. His ever so patient mommy kept telling him he had to stay close to her. If not, he had to go in the stroller. One too many times he strayed... the first time she attempted to put him in the stroller was hilarious, arms and legs flailing everywhere. Chris and I couldn't help but chuckle. Andrew was a houdini when it came to the stroller or a car seat. And don't even think about trying to put him in either if he didn't want to go. You could push him in the stroller and was able to put the brakes on with his feet and almost topple the stroller. Well, Grandpa rescued him the first time... then it happened again. It was funnier the second time, arms flailing, legs kicking and screaming, "mommy stay, mommy stay." Daddy decided to show her up this time, he could get him the stroller... he did and when he pushed it, the screaming little boy would put the brakes on with his short little legs... All Chris and I would do was laugh, but I do remember a day when it was not so funny...
Then we had to say goodbye and the tears came...
Add Comment
kari says...
"It is fun to laugh now and then, huh? I'm glad you got to spend time with Andrew..." (12/29/08)
LJ says...
"We love our Andrew!!! Glad he could see a glimpse of the past!" (12/30/08)
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
A Christmas memory...
December 24
a Christmas memory...
I remember the year that both kids woke up us at a little after 2 am, YES, 2AM!!! Christmas came early that year, literally!!!
Last year, Rachel's favorite present was the PINK camera that "Santa" brought her... some of my favorite pictures of her lately are her "self portraits." Enjoy them...
Add Comment
LJ says...
"We always have called Rachel and Andrew, "ours", just like we have always called our kids. I love seeing these pictures of "Our Rachel"!
We love you all!!" (12/30/08)
Georgia Fulenwider says...
"it was even funnier thinking out loud that he might have twin little boys that were as rowdy and rambunctious as he was or little girls, what a hoot that would be... " (12/30/08)
Emiley says...
"What great pictures! She's gorgeous!! I really love the picture of her eye, I've always wanted to have eyes that color!" (1/20/09)
a Christmas memory...
I remember the year that both kids woke up us at a little after 2 am, YES, 2AM!!! Christmas came early that year, literally!!!
Last year, Rachel's favorite present was the PINK camera that "Santa" brought her... some of my favorite pictures of her lately are her "self portraits." Enjoy them...
Add Comment
LJ says...
"We always have called Rachel and Andrew, "ours", just like we have always called our kids. I love seeing these pictures of "Our Rachel"!
We love you all!!" (12/30/08)
Georgia Fulenwider says...
"it was even funnier thinking out loud that he might have twin little boys that were as rowdy and rambunctious as he was or little girls, what a hoot that would be... " (12/30/08)
Emiley says...
"What great pictures! She's gorgeous!! I really love the picture of her eye, I've always wanted to have eyes that color!" (1/20/09)
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