Satan, you BIG jerk!!!

I've been up since 2am, I'm having a little anger issues with Rachel and myself, please pray this is a big bump in the road! I am still thankful for His grace and mercy and how He has strengthened me/us but I am mad at her right now! WHY!!!!! WHAT were you thinking!!! Why my daddy now, I needed him right now??? Satan you big jerk!!!

One of those bumps in the road...

It was 1999, I had just helped a woman deliver a baby she never thought she would have... He was born at 21 weeks and lived on his own for a little over 13 hours. He grasped my pinky finger and left an indelible mark on my heart. His name was J.W. As I stood at the graveside watching his momma grieve I never dreamed that I would walk in her shoes... The last couple of days have been tough for me, WHY, Rachel, WHY??? Why did my daddy have to die??? I hit one of those bumps in the road... I have been missing her and missing my daddy. Something really exciting happened and I though I'll call my daddy and tell him... Today I was going through all the "stuff" I have in my Bible & I ran across this card from JW's sweet momma. On the front of the card is this poem...

When We ask Why

God's purpose and plan
Is sometimes concealed,
But someday His purpose
Will be revealed.

Someday God's wisdom
Will make it very plain
Why problems were permitted
And how He uses pain.

Things thought illogical~
Disease, tragedy, fear~
Will someday make sense
When God makes all things clear.

We'll see the Lord's purpose
From the Lord's point of view,
And we'll know the answers
In ways we never knew.

Until we're home with God
Some answers must wait.
Until His plan unfolds
We'll live and walk by faith.

Thank you Lord for this word from You!!!

Rather than ask why, I choose to live and walk by faith.

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Aunt Judy says... (Edit / Delete)
"The hardest parts of life are not understanding the "whys", aren't they? How precious it is to have God then, and just have His hands to hold you and pull you through the horrible times, knowing that someday you'll understand. I've said a prayer for your family just now." (11/12/08)

Heather Calicott says... (Edit / Delete)
"As always... God gives you a word that you need. Then you share it with us and in that moment...it's what I need. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I am always eager to read your blogs when my e-mail alerts me there is something new. The why question is something I stugggle with all the time. I want what is fair in an unfair world. Our God is always fair and right on time. love you guys!" (11/12/08)

Marie says... (Edit / Delete)
"I check on you at least once a week, sometimes more thru this sight. Most days I smile in amazement. Today I cried with you. You are so strong, and a bump every now and then is just plain OK! You are human, like the rest of us. That's why God had to send his own son for us. He knew we couldn't do it without Him. I watch my sister with her little Meaghan, and she loves so much and holds on so tight. I know she still misses Haley, but I think Haley makes her that much better at being a mom to Meg, just like I'm sure you do with Andrew. He's very lucky to have you as a Mom. Thank goodness every day is made new. Smile sweet lady, even your bumbs help other people." (11/13/08)

Unfailing love...

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul. Psalm 143:8 (NIV)

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Robin says... (Edit / Delete)
"I am seeing your heart being shaped by your Psalms of Ascent study. It must be speaking to you profoundly. Of course, the timing in which we take certain studies is no accident. It is just another way to see Him working in our lives." (11/9/08)

Joy...

Our joy is not defined by our circumstances. It is based on our relationship with Him.



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Teresa says... (Edit / Delete)
"Through your sorrow, pain, & strength God is using you as a vessel to bless me...thank you for continuing to look upward and being in His presence. God's word says in Psalm 16:11 "You will make known to me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of JOY; in your right hand there are pleasures FOREVER." (NASB)
Praise the Lord!!
We love you All..." (10/29/08)

Heather Calicott says... (Edit / Delete)
"I needed those words today! Thank you!!!! " (10/30/08)

October 28, 2008

This day too has not been what I imagined it would be... 6 months seems so long ago. The Lord has brought me so far. Again, I feel a sense of peace that I cannot explain other than HIM. All that to say, I have been praying about when I should blog a memory, the 28th or the 24th... He has answered my prayer and led me to share on the 24th, the day He blessed us with her. What a gift... so my gift to you will be a precious memory on the 24th. See Oct 24th for 16 bits of trivia and look for more on the 24th of each month. And feel free to add a memory, I still love to hear them!!!

Wow, God is good! As I type this the song "I Can Only Imagine" is playing...

I can only imagine what she and my daddy are doing right now...

I can only PRAISE HIM!!!!



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LJ says... (Edit / Delete)
"Sounds like a great idea!! Remembering all the positive and blessings that she allowed you all to receive, and it all began on the 24th!" (10/28/08)

jka says... (Edit / Delete)
"you are being obedient to Him. He gave you a spirit of Power and Love -continue to draw on it girl" (10/29/08)

Heather Calicott says... (Edit / Delete)
"I love reading your blogs. I am blessed each time it pops up on my e-mail. I find strength in your words. Our son had a major emergency surgery on Thursday that left him in the hospital 5 days and a 4-5 month recovery. On my worst day I snuck off to the play room at Cooks to find a computer. I pulled up my e-mail and there was your blog about Rachels sweet 16. Your words helped me more that you will ever know. Not a day goes by that I dont think of Rachel. She lives on in so many! I am so glad God has given you the strength to take each day as it comes. I am also glad that you will continue to blog. They mean so much to so many! You amaze me Georgia! " (10/30/08)

October 24, 2008

In honor of Rachel’s birthday, here’s 16 bits of fun trivia about our baby girl…

1. She was in a hurry to get into this world, my labor lasted only one hour… she weighed 6lbs 7 ounces and screamed unless she was allowed to eat the first hour she was here.

2. I didn’t think it was funny when the doctor told me I could push, it’s not funny to joke with a woman going without an epidural and thinks things are happening way too fast. Rachel was in a hurry to get into this world, it was the only time she was ever in a hurry.

3. The first thing I remember asking Chris, “is she REALLY a girl?” They placed her in my arms and it was love at first sight. It was also love at first sight for her daddy, her pop, Grandpa and Uncle Boo. She had a way with those guys. Andrew, he was almost 4 and well… it took him a while to come around. After all this screaming ball of pink had invaded “his” territory.

4. She was an easy baby. Once she found silky, her lovey and pacifier she would put herself to bed and sleep for hours… surprised about that one I know.

5. When it started to get dark early in the evening, her little body thought lights out time for bed. She would go to bed when the sun went down and sleep for at LEAST 12 hours.

6. When she got a bit older, it she got tired, she would tell everybody “goodnight, I’m going to bed now.” She was always a good sleeper even in church…

7. She would tell anybody that sneezed in a quiet, sweet little voice, “beff you.” And if nobody blessed her after a sneeze, she would ask, “well is anybody gonna beff me or not?”

8. She first said Andrew’s name as “a-ho.” We worked very hard that weekend learning to day Andrew. You can’t let your kids going to Sunday School saying teafully “I want my a-ho.”

9. When she was little she was terrified of dogs, who knew she would ever let one sleep in the bed with her.

10. She loved to read and learn. She came home from her first day of kindergarten mad she did NOT have any homework! She was smart too, she even helped Andrew & I with some of the math on the ASFAB (military test).

11. Even though she was smart, she could also be kinda dingy… once she ordered a BLT thinking it was a barbeque sandwich. We still go out to eat for “BLT.”

12. She loved her friends, she loved cheering, she loved school, she loved volleyball and most of all track. She was always so slow around the house, we were baffled when they put her on the relay teams and she really could run and FAST!

13. She was an OU fan that wanted to go to UT, try to figure that one out.

14. She loved to travel. She loved junk food and Sushi. She LOVED going to Washington DC last year. I saw a light in her eyes that said “I could so live this life.” She was furious with me when I called her from the top of the Empire State Building, she wanted to be in New York.

15. She lived life hard and fast and enjoyed every minute of it. She experienced a lot in her brief 15 years. She did a lot last year… 3 trips to Missouri, a trip to Virginia, she flew 1st class and loved every minute of it, a trip to DC and a trip to Ft. Benning. She and I spent most of last summer with my daddy. When she I and were in DC and looking at monuments, she looked at the Viet Nam War Memorial and asked “ what’s that wall thingy again.” I knew then she had seen enough monuments.

16. She loved her friends and family intensely and with every ounce of her being. But most of all she loved Jesus.

I am proud to be your momma, you are not only changing me you are changing this world!

We love you baby girl, sleep sweet!!!




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Kari says... (Edit / Delete)
"Happy Birthday Sweet Girl! Georgia, today is a milestone in this journey...embrace it as you have embraced being her Mom. Cry, laugh, celebrate, be quiet, whatever you want to do! Love you" (10/24/08)

LJ says... (Edit / Delete)
"Woke up thinking about and praying for all of you!! I love the blog, what a wonderful start to the day, remembering so many things, holding them dear to your heart.
Much love" (10/24/08)

Emiley Wright says... (Edit / Delete)
"She sure is changing this world, this is such a precious blog! STAY STRONG!!" (10/24/08)

Brooke Tomlin says... (Edit / Delete)
"Georgia, your site is just wonderful! I just read it and all your stories made me feel like I knew Rachel and I wish I could of met her, she reminds me of myself with the whole being involved in everything at school....(that's what them small towns are for!!) and having an older brother and everything. Can you imagine how much of a party there is going on today in heaven?! Wow she is celebrating with some amazing people! Planting a tree is just a wonderful thing for you to do and I"m so happy and proud for you and your family to do that. I've been thinking of you today and always! Love ya!! " (10/24/08)

Stephanie says... (Edit / Delete)
"Chris and Georgia: Of course I have been thinking of you since I woke up this morning. Happy 16th Birthday Rachel!! She is missed so dearly even by the people who only knew her through you. I love you and pray for you every day." (10/24/08)

LJ says... (Edit / Delete)
"I love looking at the picture of her cheering. This is who I remember, it looks like her as a young girl warting Andrew, Judson and Colton with that sweet sweet smile!" (10/28/08)

carrrie says... (Edit / Delete)
"Ok, had a hard time coming up with a memory as the week of her birthday was a difficult time for our family. I did recall a very special day in which it involes not only Rachel but how she first met her Grandpa. However, I remeber the call I got from her Grandpa while i was in College in Kerrville,Texas. It was to tell me that Rachel was beinjg born. He later called to tell me all the details and how Chris's mother made him hold her. He stated that Rachel looked so small and fragil, he was scared to hold her but Chris mother just put Rachel in his arms. He stated that it was love at first sight. I'm sure they are both up there fishing and having a good time." (11/3/08)

Today...

October 24, 2008

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

I feel a peace that I cannot explain any other way than to say it's from HIM!!!

Today, I feel incredible… it’s Rachel’s’ birthday and she would be 16. I miss her terribly, yes I will cry, my arms will ache to hold her, my heart will hurt, and I long to hear her sweet voice but I still feel incredible. I mentioned yesterday was a turning point and it was. When I couldn’t go back to sleep yesterday morning, I had some really sweet time with Him and some really sweet prayer time. He helped me realize and process a lot of precious things. First, He helped me realize that I am going to be ok. I can see the light at the end of this valley that I have been walking in. There will still be bumps and maybe some bruises but I can see the LIGHT!!! I have dreaded this week and this day like no other. Then He distracted me with the passing of my dad. It was a hard week for many reasons but not really because of my daddy. I am thankful that they are together and he is healthy and whole again. I had told my daddy over and over, Sat night, “go be with Rachel, she is waiting up there for you, tell her we love her and miss her.” God answered our prayer to heal my daddy perfectly and now they are celebrating her 16th together and I take great comfort in that. She was grandpa’s girl and he loved her so much…. He would have done anything for that kid of mine. She was special to him.

As I got in the car yesterday with peace and joy in my heart and even a little bounce in my step I turned on the radio and they were playing this song.

There Will be a Day, Jeremy Camp

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face, But until that day, we'll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel you’re walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing

Let those words sink in…

AMEN!!!

It was confirmation for me that I WILL be OK!!! My soul has been troubled but I haven’t lost heart because he has brought me peace and NOW joy! And I can’t wait the see the beauty that’s in store because it will outweigh this pain and hurt we have experienced these last 6 months. As I listened and sang I opened the sun roof on my daddy’s car, raised my hand and praised HIM! I felt incredible!!!

Don’t get me wrong today will be hard, I miss her, I want to hold her, I want to smell her sweet smell, I want to hear her precious voice, and I want to see that sweet smile but right now I can only imagine the birthday party in heaven and the people she is partying with including my daddy!! It’s better than ANY party Chris and I could have ever thrown her, WOW!!! That is answered prayer and only something HE can do. Thank you Jesus and I praise your Holy name!!!

Happy birthday baby girl, dad, Andrew and I love you! Party Hard and keep on having fun!!!




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LJ says... (Edit / Delete)
"What a blessed celebration for them with all the other's! Yes, I believe too, they are having a wonderful day!
The Wall's love you Rachel!!!!!!" (10/24/08)

Emiley Wright says... (Edit / Delete)
"What a heart-warming blog! HAPPY SWEET SIXTEENTH RACHEL!!" (10/24/08)

Heather Calicott says... (Edit / Delete)
"You never cease to amaze me Georgia. I have worried about this day for some time. Each day getting one day closer. When I read this blog I had to raise my hands and shout...Glory! God your healing grace is so powerful! I find strength in you your strength Georgia. I am so thankful God blessed you in so many ways today. Jeremy Camp always reached my heart. What a blessing to see your words and hear his. This day isnt what I thought it would be at all! Father God, you are so faithful to us! Always ready to give us more that we ever hoped for!" (10/25/08)