Turning Point...

10/23/2008

In my 5am "morning meeting" today, I realized this week has been a turning point... I am gonna make it!!! He deserves ALL the praise and glory!!!

In Brian Boaen words, "woohoo!"

More later, it's too much to write now...

You Raise Me Up...

You Raise Me Up...

As I was driving home this morning, I was listening to the radio. This has been a favorite song of mine for quite some time. God knew that I needed to hear it... I was feeling a bit overwhelmed... He reminded me that even though we are weary, He is raising us up to more than we can be... Read the lyrics to this song, let them soak in... since the loss of my daddy, I am really trying to remember the words to this song and let them soak in...

*** a little added note... I submitted this blog as the phone rang... it was my brother telling me they were taking daddy to the hospital...

***another added note*** we went to Fort Worth, my daddy passed away several hours after we arrived, somehow I knew when I got that call...

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary,
When troubles come and my heart burdened be.
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

CHORUS:
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up.. to more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly
But when you come and I am filled with wonder
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas
And I am strong, when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up .. to more than I can be
You raise me up .. to more than I can be

Add Comment

carrie says... (Edit / Delete)
"How appropriate for today." (10/19/08)

Carrie says... (Edit / Delete)
"I love this picture of dad and Rachel. It so was like them to be teasing each other in this manner. " (10/22/08)

We are speechless...

We miss you baby girl, every minute of every day...

Texas vs. OU

Darn it, Texas beat OU!!! Rachel loved OU and had a yearly bet with my dad; therefore, I was rooting for OU... I know BAD Texan :0 I have rooted for Texas for as long as I can remember, after all my dad is a UT Alum.

Even though she wanted to go to UT I still think she would have been rooting for Texas. Sorry baby girl, they lost!

Sorry baby girl you would have lost your bet. Devon, are you eating peas???

He never takes His eyes off of us...

HE never takes His eyes off of us...

In my Bible study (Stepping Up, Beth Moore) today I am reminded that in Beth's words "God never takes His eyes off of us as we travel the paths of this tumultuous planet. As I peck at this keyboard from my airplane seat, I hear a man close by gently snoring. I'm reminded that God never dozes off, even when for a time when the air is smooth and the way is clear. He doesn't jolt awake when the earth rumbles beneath your feet. He is on perfect attendance to your every step.

We will make it to out destination in one piece. We will indeed 'come to Mount Zion, the the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God' (Heb 12:22, NIV). No harm can befall us that will Lord, Maker of heaven and earth. He owns the highways of both turfs."

Thank you God for these words today... I am comforted even while this month is so difficult. It all still seems so fresh, yet it seems like so long ago...

Morning Meetings...

Here lately I do not sleep… He awakens me at 3 or 4am and no matter how hard I try to sleep, He keeps me up, and my mind will not shut up… so many thoughts and feelings. I knew that this month would be a struggle, as it will be my first birthday without Rachel, she would also turn 16. In my morning meeting with Him today I also realized and remembered that Oct has always been a little difficult. My precious David should be 21 this month.

As I tried to lie down again this morning I was praying… best I can remember it was something like this…

Father God I lift up Stella, Bekah and Dana this morning as they share this new life you have blessed them with. I also lift up Amanda and baby Jack and her family today, another new life. I praise You Father for new life. Please be with my Uncle Sam and my daddy. Heal them.

I also lift up Chris, Andrew and I up to You this morning. This month is so hard. Every day is one day closer to her birthday… that is hard to swallow and still so unbelievable that she is not here. Selfishly I want her back, even if only for a moment… one last hug, kiss, a sweet smile or just to hear her day “I love you momma, muah.” Oh that sweet voice. Precious. Then He reminds me that He understands our pain and grief. He chose to give up His Son for us that we may have eternal life despite our sin. Father God I am sorry where I fail you so many times. I miss her, I want her back… He chose to give up Your Son. His only Son, His choice. And all for us. I am also reminded that “Everything is Yours God and We WILL praise you in this storm.”

In the last few days I have gone back and read my journal from almost 10 years ago. I am in awe of His hand in our marriage. Chris and I have struggled for more of our marriage than not. I would have to say that the first 10 years of our marriage we didn’t even really like each other. It is a true miracle that we have made it and we give the GLORY to Him. We have struggled with my abortions, credit card debt not just once but twice, and now Rachel’s death. On the way home from the hospital I remember saying to Chris that couples that lose children statistically do not stay together. We made a commitment that would not happen to us. Rachel’s death has brought us closer together. It has kept our focus on Him. At the time I was not even thinking about abortion and what a miracle it already was that we were still together. Satan has so obviously tried to take our marriage and our children. WE WILL NOT LET him succeed. I also realize the more committed we are to that the harder he will try. I pray a hedge of protection around us. I have come to realize that that her death is not about us or our grief; it is ALL about Him and His glory.

As I was walking Thurs morning in the park that I grew up in I was reminded of all the times that I played there, ran there, bicycled there, spent many an hour in the “fort” that was ours (Devon’s & mine), read many a book under a tree somewhere, went craw dad fishing and walked the trails. As I walked I was listening to 50 Days in Heaven read by randy Alcorn. The Lord reminded me of many things… “If we can learn to fix our eyes on Jesus, to see through the fog (our grief) and picture our eternal home in our mind’s eye, it will comfort and energize us, giving us a clear look at the finish line. Paul when faced with hardship, beatings said ‘One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward is Christ Jesus.’ (Philippians 3:13-14) What gave Paul and continues to give us strength? A clear view of heaven.

Rachel used to tell me she was going to be an attorney, a pro-life attorney—she was going to make a difference in this world~~ Baby girl you are making a difference in this world, even in our grief and sadness you make us proud. We love you!!!



Sorry this is all over the place, my mind is sort of that way lately...

this ia a long one: my favorite hymns, we are clinging to them...

this ia a long one: my favorite hymns, we are clinging to them...

Have thine own way lord...

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Thou art the Potter, I am the clay.
Mold me and make me after Thy will,
While I am waiting, yielded and still.
Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Search me and try me, Master, today!
Whiter than snow, Lord, wash me just now,
As in Thy presence humbly I bow.
Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Wounded and weary, help me, I pray!
Power, all power, surely is Thine!

Touch me and heal me, Savior divine.
Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Hold o’er my being absolute sway!
Fill with Thy Spirit ’till all shall see
Christ only, always, living in me.

Great is thy Faithfulness

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!


How Great Thou Art

O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When through the woods, and forest glades I wander,
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.
When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur
And see the brook, and feel the gentle breeze.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.


It Is Well

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trumpet shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.